Tips for Surviving Halloween Weekend

With yet another Halloween weekend upon us, I would like to share with you all a few tips I’ve picked up over the years and some that those near and dear to my heart have shared with me as well for surviving this crazy time:

-Never trust a male cheerleader
-Don’t go out in a bathrobe and curlers in your hair and get offended when you hear someone say, “Oh my, look at her. She’s so brave to go out like that”
-If you are female: Just say no to any costume that is an occupation with the word “sexy” in front of it. Sexy Firefighter, Sexy Cop, etc
-If you are male: Just say yes to any woman in a costume that is an occupation with the word “sexy” in front of it. Sexy Firefighter, Sexy Cop, etc
-Don’t try to count how many Snooki’s are running around. You’ll go blind before you lose count
-Keep your drink covered at all times, that is of course, unless you haven’t gotten some in a really long time because you have ridiculously high standards and it would just be easier if some guy just dragged you into bed….
-Don’t ride handlebars on the RA’s bike back to the dorm
-Remember that an old sports uniform is not a costume. It’s just a sad attempt to remind people that you used to be an athlete
-It’s probably not a good weekend to try LSD for the first time, friendly clowns could turn scary clowns quicklike
-If you’re in college, be careful about how slutty your costume is. People might mistake you for a freshman
-If at the end of the night you’re all alone, there’s no harm in taking home a trick instead of a treat
-Be aware of the line between “hilarious child’s outfit” and creepy fat guy in a firetruck costume
-Don’t sleep with your ex just because she’s wearing a wig and you can pretend she’s a different person
-Accept candy from ALL strangers. Even men offering you candy from their vans. And especially if he says he has puppies in there too, never turn down puppies and candy
-Jack-o-Lanterns make great vessels for vomit and any other human excretion. Find one before being impolite by spewing all over someone’s yard
-Coats ruin costumes so leave them at home. Besides, it’s never cold on October 31st in Colorado
-Go Trick-or-treating at midnite. The crowds have totally cleared out by then
-If you are sporting fake, large breasts, don’t try to fight the motorboat. Embrace the motorboat. Oh and remember to remove them before vomiting
-There’s nothing worse than wearing your costume home in the morning. Be prepared people!!!

Have fun out there all you ghouls and goblins! And really, do be safe, I kinda like you people 🙂


One response to “Tips for Surviving Halloween Weekend

  1. Love it! too funny x

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