Gracie’s Guide to Being Single Part I

So I’ve been single for a little over a month. It’s not the first time either. I was once single for 16 years. It was rough. And now, here I find myself single again. It’s really not all that bad this time. I mean I don’t feel so guilty making out with different boys every weekend now. Considering that would get a little awkward, especially when ex-boyfriend would catch me… ohmygawwwd I’m kidding.

But speaking of awkward, in the one monthish I’ve been single; I’ve managed to eclipse just about every previous level of awkwardness I have ever achieved in my life thus far. For those of you who know me well, you are probably in full-on gasp mode. “There’s just no way, that’s impossible!”

Well y’all, I really feel like I’ve outdone myself. In order to preserve some of my own dignity and the privacy of those who’ve been around to experience said awkwardness, I won’t go into too much detail.

Instead I will map out my “Guide to being single part 1 of who knows how many”

  • Avoid fully buttoned up long sleeve polo shirt guys.
  • Cool apartment doesn’t always mean cool guy.
  • A bottle of red wine is probably a little too much liquid courage.
  • Always make sure you are sending text messages to the intended receiver and not to whom the text is about.
  • If a guy doesn’t make contact after the first date, don’t assume he “lost” your phone number, he just really didn’t like you, sorry.
  • Don’t burp so much in public.
  • On that note, try to stop saying Phuck so much too.
  • Learn some really awesome grownup pickup lines, like: “Want to go back to my place? I have digital cable and half a box of zinfandel!”
  • Make sure you have a line too, for all different occasions such as: “Bitchin’ funeral, right?”
  • Sarcasm gets lost in translation.

That’s my list so far. I’ll add another installment when I inevitably fail in other ways of being single.

I really wonder why guys don’t want to date me……….


7 responses to “Gracie’s Guide to Being Single Part I

  1. Don’t burp so much in public.

    i need to learn that one, too!


  2. Pretty fun!

  3. These are some great pointers Grace! I especially enjoy “I have half a box of Zinfandell.” I have definitely used that one before.

  4. Loving the adventures of single Gracie. Especially the texting story. Too funny. Hate to say it, but I can’t wait to read more mishaps 🙂

  5. haha, bitchin’ funeral. love it!

  6. bahaha, don’t burp so much in public. It doesn’t say stop… just maybe not so much 🙂

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