Gracie’s Guide to Being Single Part II

“You’re the rule, not the exception.”

This is one of my favorite quotes ever. And I get it from a really lame but absolutely necessary source, “He’s just not that into you.” If you haven’t read the book or seen the movie then you really are missing out. (This goes for girls AND guys.)

From what I’ve experienced in the years and recent months of being single, I’ve just about always been the rule, almost never the exception, with of course, a few exceptions.

As the rule:

  • So I met a guy once. He was cute, we talked about college basketball, told me he liked me, and proceeded to ask me to go home with him that night. I told him, “*giggle giggle* No *giggle* take my phone number instead and give me a call sometime *giggle*.” He was like, “Definitely!” Not only did he never call, I saw him one time in the Dark Horse where he looked right past me, clearly didn’t recognize me and hit on my roommate. The Rule: If a guy is looking to get laid and you’re not the girl who obliges, he won’t call you and most likely will forget he ever met you. To be honest, he probably just made beebooping noises when “entering” your phone number.
  • I “dated” a guy for like 6 months once. He told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship. Him starting to sleep with one of my best friends is how I figured out that we were “over.” The Rule: If a guy says he’s not looking for a relationship, he’s not. He just wants to have consistent access to sex.
  • I liked this guy once, a lot. But he had a few not so flattering personality flaws. I asked him nicely to change. When that didn’t work I attacked his psyche to get him to change.  I pleaded with him to change. I told my friends that I would be the one to get him to change. He never changed. The Rule: Guys don’t change. Period. The end.
  • One time I met a guy and he was hot and smart and nice and all sorts of good things. The problem? He had a girlfriend. The other problem? I found out after we’d already hooked up. His solution? Dump her and date me. The ultimate problem? After four months I found out he had cheated on me as well. The Rule: If you start dating a guy that cheated on his ex with you, he will cheat on you as well. Part B of that rule is, if he’s married? He will never leave his wife for you. You will always only be the mistress. If you are the exception and he does leave his wife for you, part A applies. He.Will.Cheat.On.You.Too
  • One of my first ever “relationships” when I was learning “boundaries” (which I still haven’t conquered), I went *a little* crazy on my poor 16 year old boyfriend. Like obsessive and mean and jealous. Oops. He totally didn’t love it and dumped my ass. The Rule: Girls think guys like crazy chicks. Sorry girls, those psycho ladies are the exceptions.

Ladies, guys are simply creatures. If they want to hang out with you, they will call. If you sleep with him the first night you meet him, he probably doesn’t think you are girlfriend material. Guys don’t play games or wait a certain number of days before getting in touch. If they want to see you, they will make it happen.

Don’t forget there are the exceptions. I know I’ve gotten my time on the exceptions pedestal and I know a few guys who are exceptions to the rules themselves. But if you go about your life remembering that “I am the rule, not the exception” then you will have many more sleep-filled nights and less anxiety attacks about whether he likes you or not. Besides if the elephant man can find a wife, then I’d like to think there is hope for us all.
And if you still need further solace, two, count em TWO, guys have fallen in love with this face….


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