Well, According to the Prophecy…

I got the letter in the mail the other day that all Americans dread… I have been summoned for jury duty. Do they have any idea how wrong of a person they just chose? Whoever is in charge clearly isn’t one of the 11teen people who read my blog. I write everything worth anything in this damn blog! I’m obviously going to write about the experience, the questions they ask me, how I’ll be entertaining myself during the waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, and if, by chance, I do get picked for trial, no detail will be left in the  courtroom. Steel trap, I am not.

So I’ve always had the brilliant idea that if I ever did get summoned for jury duty, I would just answer every question with, “Well according to the prophecy…” and there would be no way they would ever select me. According to Pony however, all I have to say, in front of like 100 people, is that no, I can NOT be fair.  And also according to Pony, it’s kind of hard to stand up there in front of all those people and be an ass like that. Well, I have no issues, whatsoever, being an ass in front of 100 people, especially when I would be telling the truth. I am one of the most judgmental people I know. I would take one look at the perp and decide innocent or guilty. No evidence, testimony, or closing statements would sway me. So no, jury duty person, I do not believe I could be fair serving on a jury for a trial of one of my peers.

Come to think of it, this isn’t the first time I’ve been summoned for jury duty. After I moved from Texas, I received a piece of mail saying there was a warrant for my arrest in the state because I had been summoned and never called in and explained I had moved back to Colorado. And I had to call in and talk to, to… um. Hm. I’m not sure I ever called in. Wow, actually I’m positive I never called in. I must currently have a warrant out for my arrest in the state of Texas. Good thing I have no plans to go back anytime soon to the land of teen pregnancy, road side meth labs, and bible humping, er thumping. Oh come on, I kid, not everyone from Texas is like that. Austin is a pretty great town….

Well that’s me folks, a harden criminal on the run from the 5-O, black and white, coppers, The Mounties, the Po Po, wasps. Just no one tell them where I’m hiding out, ok?

Check out my grill. And yes, I killed someone.


2 responses to “Well, According to the Prophecy…

  1. Your photoshopping (sp?) skills are exceptional. Be sure to tell them that at jury duty.
    “What are your special skills that can apply to this court case?”
    “I’m a blogger, and a photoshopper on the internet. Maybe you’ve heard of me?”
    “Get out of here. We’re calling the Mounties.”

    • You overestimate the software I have installed on my computer. I think you mean, my Windows Painting skills are exceptional.

      And please, not the Mounties! Anybody but the scary Canadian Mounties!

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