Gracie’s Guide to Being Single: Technology and Dating

The internet is making being single complicated. With Facebook, Twitter, Match.com, FourSquare, and well that’s just about all that’s relevant for all us non WOW-ers, there is a whole new set of rules of which we need to be aware of.

Really?

When my mom was around my age, she called my dad’s house to try to get ahold of him. His mother told her that he was at a Chinese restaurant. So what did she do? She called the restaurant and asked for him. Sounds like my mom was a creepy stalker, right? But that’s what they did back when dinosaurs roamed the earth. No one would EVER call a restaurant looking for someone these days. But you have no qualms with looking at 1,235 pictures of someone dating back to senior prom, do you? That’s not creepy, right?

This is a picture of my mom and dad at my age

Facebook is revolutionizing singledom. For example, what is the timeline for friending a potential suitor on Facebook?

These are pretty good guidelines to follow:

  • He/She is a friend of a friend you met at a party/the bars last night and may or may not have hit it off, you can’t be certain you had like 12 beers and you didn’t get his/her phone number: Send the friend request the day after tomorrow
  • He/She is a friend of a friend that you slept with after you met them at a party/the bars last night and may or may not actually want to speak to them again, you can’t be certain you had like 12 beers and it doesn’t really matter if you have his/her phone number or not: Send the friend request right now, whenever you feel like really. Your naked parts have already touched, is it that big of a deal for them to see your “about me” or religious views at this point?
  • He/She is a complete random you went home with last night after a party/the bars and you left in the middle of the night: Don’t friend them, ever. If you can’t stand to hear their heavy breathing, you don’t deserve to FaceStalk them.

Here’s another weird Facebook thing; I’ve gotten asked out on a few dates via Facebook chat. At first I was really bothered. I wondered, what happened to a phone call to ask for a date? I mean, at the very least, a text? Facebook chat seems so, AIM and 1998. Right?

We're gonna party like it's 1999

But it seems to be an acceptable form of dating communication these days and I guess I won’t argue. I’ll go on a date with pretty much anyone; I’m always down for free food, whether he asked me out via Facebook, smoke signals, or carrier pigeon.

We can’t have a discussion about technology and dating and not touch on online dating, ie Match.com. I get it, it makes sense. It’s hard to meet people sometimes. You work 40+ hours a week, have already tapped the mutual friends pool, volunteer with all women in their 50’s+, and play sports with a bunch of surprisingly athletic, albeit weird, technology nerds. When and where will ever meet Prince Charming? Online? Here’s where it gets odd for me. Those profiles are all lies, and as I’ve commented before, photos can be deceiving…  I dunno. I feel like it’s a hot dude/chick’s dream come true but can kinda suck for the average joes/janes. Seems a lot like high school if you ask me….

YAY! Big Boobies!

Hm, that's deceiving

So here’s where technology can take dating to a whole new stalkerish level. It’s called FourSquare. I knew this girl once that would check Facebook events’ guest lists and see if the guy she had a crush on RSVP’d as attending and would show up places she thought he would be. Super creepy stalkerish, right? Well he never knew that and they ended up dating for almost a year. Worked out for her, right? Well the internet has made it even easier to track down your crush with FourSquare. For some reason, I’m a big fan. I like to “check in” the places I am and if you’re my friend on FourSquare you now know where I currently am. Why do you want to know where I am? I don’t know, I don’t know why a quarter of the internet is the way it is or why I share the things I do, I mean come on, I blog for allah’s sake. But if you saw that I checked into the Pearl Street Pub, you could easily mosey on over and “run into” me. I would never know. It’s a pretty popular place. I hang out there sometimes… It wouldn’t weird me out at all if you did that ever. I might be there on Friday, if I am, I’ll check into FourSqaure. Just so you know. You can buy me a drink. I usually drink Jameson or High Life there. High Life in a bottle. Sometimes I’ll be downstairs on the touch screen. Wow, ok got a little carried away there.

Alright, you get the point. The internet has made it so easy to stalk or as some people call it, “communicate” with people of interest and it’s completely changed the dating scene. Want to know what my number one rule is about the internet and social networking? Don’t take it so damn seriously. It’s all one big joke, have fun with it. Because before long, we’re going to be “too old” and our kids are going to be giving us shit because we didn’t realize whatever the 20 years from now alternative to signing a wall post, “love mom” is. All in due time people, all in due time.

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One response to “Gracie’s Guide to Being Single: Technology and Dating

  1. Epic post, love Alice ❤

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