On Saturday night a guy came up behind me and stood a little too close, I turned around and looked at him and said, “Do I know you?” He said, “I thought so, but unfortunately not.” I was quite impressed, although I walked away. He wasn’t very cute. But smooth? As buttah.
I wish I could have been half as smooth when I was saying goodbye to a guy later that night and said, “K, bye. I’ll tweet ya later.” Yes. I told a guy I would “tweet” him later. WHO SAYS THAT?!?! Worst part? I tweeted him later.
I’m working on some better pick-up lines. Because when I tell people my favorite line, they usually just laugh. Is laughing a good thing? “Hey baby, you look so good. Can I buy you a fish sandwich?” People like fish sandwiches, right? I don’t get what’s so funny about that.
People also seem to be a fan of my line, “Wanna go back to my place? I have half a box of wine and digital cable.” I feel like the wine makes me seem classy, the digital cable makes me seem wealthy.
One I’m working on and haven’t used yet is, “I like you. Almost as much as cornbread. And I like cornbread so much I want to take it outside the middle school and get it pregnant.” Is it too upfront? Or forward?
And of course there is the always reliable: “Nice shoes. Wanna F@*&?”
I think all girls should at some point in their single-life career borrow the poetic words of Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman:” “I appreciate this whole seduction thing you’ve got going on here, but let me give you a tip: I’m a sure thing.”