Rule #1: Where is a good place to be a cat? Start with being in the most inconvenient place for a cat to be.
Rule #2: If there is someone with whom you reside who provides you with food, pets, and fresh water, it’s incredibly important to disregard this individual, treat it with indifference, and if the opportunity arises, attack said individual while it is asleep.
Rule #3: That thing that is attached to your behind? IT MUST DIE. Do anything in your power to destroy it.
Rule #4: You need not obey the law of gravity.
Rule #5: Rubber bands, rings, and pens are fun to play with and attack. Do not attack any living creatures like mice or bugs though, no matter how much that disgusting person who provides you with food wants you to.
Rule #6: Do not drink fresh water from a bowl designated for you. You must only drink water in tall glasses that your head can not easily fit into. The more the food provider protests you drinking from this receptacle, the more determined you must become.
Rule #7: When a human calls for you; sit like this:
Rule #8: Follow these rules. Or don’t. You’re a cat.