Brother for sale, only 50 cents

I love my brother I do. But sometimes I wish other people didn’t like him so much. He might as well be the town hero and it certainly seems like he’s the best friend to everyone. And not only do people like him, they respect him.  With that respect comes a little bit of fear I think. He’s just that cool. Girls want to date him, boys want to be him. By golly he’s the greatest thing since Zach Morris.

Therefore, being his sister and younger one at that, I’ve never had a bigger cockblock in my entire life. So I’m selling him. Only 50 cents. Anyone interested?

I understand times are tough in this economy, therefore I'll entertain all reasonable offers.

Sure, I have had girlfriends straight up tell guys to get lost, complain about wanting to go home, swoop and steal, etcetera etcetera. Those are things I can deal with on occasion, often times even pawn ’em off and keep the attention of the hunky (ok, let’s be real… more like overly skinny) guy I’m talking to.

But as soon as I start talking to a guy that has even heard of my well-rounded and admired brother, it’s over.

The most common one I get is, “look, you’re really hot, I like you. But I couldn’t do that to your brother.” Excuse me, do what exactly to my brother? You weren’t planning on taking me out to dinner then killing me were you? Converting me to a Boston sports fan? Filling my brain full of extreme left wing propaganda? All of which would likely anger and offend my brother. No? Then I’m not catching your drift here buddy boy…

Freshman year of high school, I came into the big bad school naive, boy crazy, 5’9, huge tatas, and weighed all of about a buck-10 and couldn’t understand why NONE of the cute older boys would talk to me. Until a few months in I realized that my nickname was “The Untouchable.” Great. Thanks bro.

Oh and in a freshman year of college story, I had started talking to one of his friends on the football team, who ended up coming over to hang out at my dorm. We didn’t hook up, we didn’t date, nothing. But the kid pretty much made me swear on my future devil kitteh’s soul that I wouldn’t tell anybody that we mutually knew that we hung out for fear of it getting back to the brother.

For the few that crossed the line, I’m guessing they regret it. And they basically all suck up to King Brother in order to remain in good graces and not lose their head. And/or see how long it can remain a secret. HA! I tell him everything, suckers!

Funny thing about my brother though and why I forgive him for being so well liked, he loves me no matter what, doesn’t judge me for my decisions. It’s a pretty rad deal.

Soooo, this is kind of awkward. But he’s not really for sale. I should probably go delete my craigslist ad now.

Aaaand he was a professional model when he was 6. I'll clearly always be the dark horse of the family...


6 responses to “Brother for sale, only 50 cents

  1. Sold! He can sleep at the foot of my bed.

  2. Gracie,

    First of all, he is THAT cool. Secondly, my brothers combining forces, give him a HUGE run for his money for being the Boulder celebrity or “hero.” Thirdly, there is nothing wrong with overly skinny guys. Fourthly, I’ll buy him if you change your mind and the offer remains on the table.

    • First of all, I know, it’s awesome. Secondly, you are so right. The twins are probably bigger Boulder celebrities than my brother. Thirdly, of course there’s nothing wrong with them, that’s why I usually end up talking to the skinny ones! Fourthly, I might reconsider selling him now. There have been a few offers and it could be quite an interesting bidding war!

  3. Let the bidding war begin. I’m in…. fantastic post babe. Too funny. You’re soooo sweet….I think. hahah xo

    • You too?! Oh man, I might make 5 bucks when this thing is all said and done! And yeah, pretty sure brotherman had the sameish reaction: “Thanks!… I think?”

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