I get hundreds, sometimes thousands of emails everyday from my millions of fans asking me all sorts of questions. So I figured it would be a good idea to put together an FAQ and answer some of the more common questions since it really is difficult to respond personally to each and every one of you.
Gracie, your hair is so beautiful, what kind of product do you use?
-Great question. The honest truth is I never use shampoo, ever. In fact, I don’t use conditioner either. I’ve never exposed my hair to water, nor do I ever wash it. I was born this way.
What makes Devil Kitteh so evil?
-My ex boyfriend with whom I adopted her claims it was the days of when she’d climb into empty Dr. Pepper boxes and then I’d spin her around while she was inside them. But I disagree. Her true evilness comes from her DNA, as she is the direct descendant of Satan himself.
Girls don’t fart, right?
-Of course they do. Don’t be a stupid head.
When is the next installment of Gracie’s Guide to Being Single?
-Soon. And soon again after that. There are going to be a lot coming your way, as for the first time in a hot second I’m 100% single again. That reminds me of this song that I did a dance to in 5th grade. It was hot. We almost got in trouble for being too sexy. Damn straight.
Why haven’t I seen any unicorns outside of my dreams?
-I don’t know, probably because you’re not looking hard enough. I’ve got one that hangs around my neighborhood. If you want to come over sometime and have some cheese and hang out we can go look at it, ya know, if you want.
Who’s invited to your dinner party?
-My favorite question ever! My AP Lit and Lang teacher, Adair Taylor, would always refer to famous people, dead or alive, as if they were invited to her dinner party or not. She didn’t always want to necessarily be friends with them, but would invite them if they would make a good dinner party guest. So without further ado, my list:
-George W Bush
Now don’t get me wrong, George Washington, Confucious, St. Paul, etc are all important people but I think they’d be kind of boring. I especially am not inviting Oprah to my party. She’d probably steal my thunder by bringing everyone a car as a party favor, show off…. And if Luke Walton tried to sneak in, I would kick him in the shins soooo hard, he’d have a bruise for like weeks.
I know that every guy out there totally swoons over you and you pretty much have to fight them off with ninja stars and all, but do you think you’d go out with me sometime?
-Totally! I’d love to! But first, shoot my manager, Devil Kitteh, an email at email@example.com with your name, phone number, social security number, phone numbers of the last 3 girls you dated, a recent photo, your height, weight, photos of your dad or uncles, and a current bank statement. She’ll set something up for us when I’m free! Can’t wait!
A few gossip websites have reported that your boobs are lopsided. Which one is bigger, left or right?
-It’s the left.
What’s the best pickup line you’ve ever successfully used?
-Oh baby you look so good, I’d like to buy you a fish sandwich.
Does the Shake Weight really work?
-Of course it does. Here’s a photo of me using mine: