Dork.

I just wanted to share a conversation my brother and I had once.

(Just click on the pictures to make them bigger if you’re having trouble reading them. Or go get your eyes checked. You’re probably blind.)

The end.

Why Ninjas Are Totally Awesome

I have a pretty abnormal obsession with ninjas. At least as far as 23 year old women go… Some examples:

• On national talk like a pirate day, I take a vow of silence.
• I own ninja gloves that did not come part of a Halloween costume.
• In my room, you will find a ninja poster hung up.
• Once, I went to a pirate party dressed as a ninja.
• In every biography I have to write, I include my love for ninjas.
• I partake in “extreme walking” in order to learn the super awesome skills that ninjas possess.
• If my friends see anything ninja related, they send it to me.
• This is my favorite song:

• This is my favorite thing on the internet:

 
• When I published boyfriend criteria a while ago, I wrote:
  “Must love ninjas”
  “Must aspire to become ninja”
• Ninja Warrior is my favorite show on television.

You may be wondering, Gracie, why are you so obsessed? Ninjas are cool and all, but what makes them THAT awesome?

I am so glad you asked.

The six ninja food groups are: 1) Sex 2) Sexy Cookies 3) Small Kittens 4) Vengeance 5) Death 6) Babies

Ninjas fight ALL the time and like to keep kittens purring by rubbing their cute little bellies. If you see a kitten purring for no reason, there is undoubtedly an unseen ninja rubbing its belly.

Ninjas don’t ride bicycles, they ride diecycles. They also have mad yo-yo skills.

You will never see a ninja, never have seen a ninja, and never will see a ninja. IF you thought you saw a ninja you didn’t. The ONLY time you will ever see a ninja is right before they kill you (if you’re lucky enough to spot them).

Ninjas aren’t afraid of anything. Ninja’s boyfriend insists that Ninja is afraid of commitment, but Ninja just isn’t ready to settle down.

It’s even in the bible why ninjas are so awesome. Direct quote: “And then God said, ‘Here you go Earth, Have some ninja.’”

And finally, for all you pirate lovers: Ninjas know how to cook without leaving a big mess. Pirates wipe back to front, and they never wash. Pirates are all co-dependent. Ninjas make complicated desserts, like chocolate fondue or homemade ice-cream. Ninjas are excellent hosts and know how to use a napkin.